The Letters: Part 2

Dear Old Lover,


Do you remember this time...
Three years ago?

Man................

Summer 2009 belonged to us.
I swear our love owned June and July.

August, not so much...


"Fuck You!"
To that 1st month of law school..
My 22 year old self..
Those despicable outside forces...

My bad, my bad.


You deserved more, much more...
I was no good.. then.

I was afraid...
Cowards tend to flee.
I ran fast...
Ducking and dodging the bullets...


Now you're married.

Now I'm forced to listen to Channel Orange, alone.


I should've been a better lover.
Now I never play with dangerous ammo...
Lesson learned.
Thank you.

xx,
India

Cocky?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RWcRtHvk8k8&feature=related

The Letters: Part 1

Dear Old Lover,

Hi..

I've always been a bit short on words when it comes to you. But, ever since I can remember they were never a necessity for us... the less, the better. I always liked to assume. But.. maybe, just maybe... I could have been wrong. Perhaps you needed me to be a little more delicate, a lot more vocal... less distracted by our unspoken, seemingly heaven sent connection. I apologize for allowing destiny to get the best of me, and I'm sorry if this sorry is too little too late.

But... if you will, please allow me to explain..

I'm not sure if you can recall our very first meeting, but it was around the 2nd or 3rd grade.. back when lunchables were popular, and my chests were just as flat as yours. I don't remember our introduction, I just remember the feelings.. the growth of the passion over our elementary years. I look back and giggle at myself, I was every bit of seven, eight, nine, ten, and eleven... yet, I can remember how I understood the emotions... contrary to popular belief, some kids do know what love is.

I don't know if it's a blessing or a curse, but.. the love still flows threw my veins for you. The irony... some 15+ years later, and still I get butterflies... your presence turns my 25 into a preteen, training bra crush.. I swoon, effortlessly.. It's like we never left those Murphy Candler hallways...

But, we did. I often wonder what would have happened had we remained close our last year of high school... I try not to question things, because I believe it all happened for a reason.. However, it's difficult not to think "what if?" sometimes... Sadly, the "what ifs" don't keep me warm at night...

I'm not sure if you'll ever get a chance to read this... or if you'll even be interested in doing so. But, how boring life would be if I always knew...

I guess my purpose for writing was to clear the air... make an admission... perhaps provide myself some closure... who knows what will come from this... just know that I have no expectations.

Just know... I loved you then. I love you now.

I'm not the greatest at confessions... so I pray this form of expression suffices. But, I do request you cut me a lil' bit of slack.. back then I considered hyphenating my name for you...

If you know me, then you know that's love.

xx,
India

Wild Horses

I woke up in the middle of the night, say around 3:30am.. was having an eerie dream.. ironically my homegirl texted me, she too had been visited by the "boogeyman". We chatted for a spell to get our minds off the disturbing subconscious encounters and right before we bid each other adieu she asked, "Have you ever been in love by yourself?" ...I wondered if this was what had scared her, in her dream... or perhaps if it was a nightmare she was actually living... Either way, I responded by saying, "Lol. Too many times... It sucks.. yet, I find it beautifully creepy... I gain some pleasure out of knowing I am capable of such a task.. an unrequited love... unwavering on my behalf... shows me my strength and courage. Oh, what love can do... it gets exhausting though."

Then I went back to sleep.

xx
Iya